A lot of passengers keep asking me, what’s with the bat in the cage that rides with the Conductor from track to track? The Conductor has been reluctant to disclose this information years, but with him growing older by the day, he has decided now is as good a time as ever to unleash the bat. His name is Matt, Matt the Handicapping Bat.
The Conductor’s had his pet bat for as long as he can remember. He was studying the racing form in a cave up in the Rockies when he was a child, when he heard a the faintest of noises coming from another cave to his right. Humans can’t normally hear bats, but as we know the Conductor is certainly no mortal.
The Conductor headed over and observed the bat hanging upside down all day watching college basketball tape and scouring the score books in his cave for weeks on end. As fellow gamblers, the two started talking shop and became instant friends, feeding each other winners for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
The bat’s specialty is finding the games you couldn’t pay a normal human to watch. A conference you never heard of, a gym with less than 10 people in the crowd, a 1st half under where 60 is the total. It is truly disgusting, but the sportsbooks quiver when the Conductor flashes the bat signal and Matt the Bat flies in. Us passengers are going to be rich in no time.
Mortgage Play:
Auburn -3.5 vs Ole Miss
Auburn is one of the most talented teams in the country. Ole Miss has a very padded record so far and the only time they’ve played a top 50 team in RPI they’ve lost both times with Cincinnati and Butler. Auburns losses are to Duke and a talented NC State team. Look for Auburn to start conference play with a win and Bruce Pearl to sweat profusely.
Car Payment Play:
Boston College +11 vs Virginia
To put simply the Bat doesn’t like Virginia basketball and nobody outside of the state of Virginia should. Yes, they win a lot and suck the life out of most of opponents but they’re just the worst. The Bat loves watching Tony Bennett and his teams get bounced early in the tournament. Tony Bennett says he would have been a pastor if not a coach. Bat’s HATE pastors, that’s a fact. BC scores at home and covers before having to go on the road for 2 tough games.
Lunch Money Play:
Duquesne -7.5 vs Fordham
This is for that hoagie everyone is craving at the end of the week. Lunch money picks will be obscure games that only a real degenerate would watch. The Bat is going with Duquesne -7.5 vs Fordham because the Bat watches these games and you don’t.
